Author: larzini

Listen to Ted Stevens describe how the Internet works (courtesy of The Daily Show), and decide for yourself if he should have any say in any legislation involving the Internet. I would venture to guess that given a Tivo, Senator Stevens would figure that the technology was reverse engineered from some technology found out in Roswell.

We've had Silicon Valley and Silicon Alley, but I'm not sure which Internet/Tech hotbed exists in Alaska. I would guess it would be the Silicon Pipeline, but unless data's in the form of black gold, it's got to find some other way to travel.

But since Stevens has been all for further oil drilling in Alaska and the rest of the frozen tundra, his use of “tubes” as a metaphor for the Internet should not be a surprise. Tubes and pipes have very similar technology. He knows how pipes work, so those “tubes” must work the same way.

This is the same Senator Ted Stevens vehemently opposed cutting off funding of his “Bridge to Nowhere” in Alaska, when some selfish senators, even fellow Republicans, wanted to divert the money to assist Hurricane Katrina recovery efforts. How dare they.

This $223 million bridge would connect the 8,000 people on one side to the 50 on the other. The Gravina Island Bridge (proposed name for the bridge) would apparently be nearly as long as the Golden Gate Bridge and as high as the Brooklyn Bridge. The last time I checked a lot more people use those bridges, perhaps during the New York City Marathon alone.

(Upon further research, it looks like the bridge is no longer earmarked to receive its federal funding, although Alaska would still receive the money to spend on something else.)

This is also the same state that spent $500,000 in tax dollars to paint a giant salmon on an Alaska Airlines plane. This was to help promote the Alaska fishing industry in their battle against salmon farms. $500,000 could have been better spent elsewhere. How many people can even see ? I don't see too many planes pulling along side me on the highway, usually I'm underneath them, and their pretty high up. And even if it looked like a flying fish over my head, I'm pretty sure I'm not going to run out to the fish market shortly thereafter.

Save the Internet, folks. It's still ours. It doesn't belong to Ted Stevens. I'm not sure he even knows how to turn an Internet on. For shits and giggles, let's hand him a solar calculator duct-taped to a toaster oven, and tell him it's the Internet. Although he'd probably be sharp enough to ask where the “tubes” were.