Get with the Times, New Roman!

September 12, 2008 No comments

What if fonts were people? I've never posed this question to myself or anyone else, but I'm sure glad the folks at College Humor did. And just like anybody else, they don't seem to agree on anything. And they have trouble agreeing to disagree. And then there's this font called Ransom.

Font Conference @ College Humor

Categories: humor, Main Page, photo, video Tags:

Apple Scores a Hat Trick

July 15, 2008 No comments

Nothing tells people you know a Mac inside and out like wearing a hat. Maybe it prevents the knowledge from escaping through your hair follicles, trapping it so it can be re-absorbed through your scalp.

Don't believe me? Click on the image below to go view Apple's video introduction to their workshops. I counted at least 6 hats the first time. And it's clear that baseball caps are not the best choice. I only saw one of those. It's probably because of the big hole in the back above where you adjust the size. But if you must wear a baseball cap, be sure it is fitted to prevent information leakage.

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Said The Blue Jay To The Cardinal

May 21, 2008 No comments

Today I was pondering a lot of different business/work decisions/ideas through my head on the way to my father's house. And when I arrived there was a blue jay on a wall, with a cardinal about 6 feet away on the grill. The jay was foraging, the cardinal…kinda just hangin'. I was fortunate enough to have a camera with me, but just unfortunate enough to have the cardinal fly off before I could start snapping. Although when I switched the camera to movie mode, the cardinal reappeared for a cameo before darting off again, kind of like what Christopher Walken does in some films.

Not long after, a gaggle of finches (don't know what to call it, but it was quite shy of a flock) came storming by like some sort of multiplayer whilring dervish, you know like binary stars, except with more than two. Must have been a courtship ritual with the young bucks trying to impress a dame. (It's really odd calling a finch a young buck, is it as odd to read?)

They departed as quickly as they arrived kind of like a teenage driver at a tangential relative's family function. The blue jay was completely nonplussed. He kind of looked at 'em like they were a bunch of fools, and went about his business. And yeah, it could have been a she, but I don't know enough about blue jays, except that they supposedly can be pretty nasty, but I believe that's when they perceive danger to their young, and I thing most of us would act the same, pecking on skulls and gouging out eyeballs and that sort of thing.

Anyway I thought this strange coupling may have been a sign that I was on to something with what I was thinking when I arrived, although then again maybe it was just a “Thanks for throwing down some new grass seed at the cemetery today, Son.” Or maybe it means I should go ahead to that bird preserve I was thinking about with my son this weekend. You know, once you start thinking too much you tend to ruin everything.

And the thinking never ends. The thing with the blue jays and the eyeballs a few lines back got me thinking about that “slicing up eyeballs” line in “Debaser” by The Pixies. So even though my much imagined mp3 blog, hasn't happened…yet. I'm gonna drop some Pixies on you for a limited time, and if Charles or Kim want me to take it down sooner, I invite them to let me know.

Pixies – Debaser

UPDATE: July, 24, 2008: I now know a little more about birds than I did 2 months ago. My so-called finches were actually sparrows, and apparently I don't have the movie file with the blue jay and the cardinal. Oh well.

Categories: Main Page, mp3, music, photo Tags:

“Red Crayon Won.”

“Red Crayon Won.”

“Red Crayon won what? The crayons were having a race?”

“Yes.”

“Oh!…Where were the crayons having the race?”

“The wall.”

The wall, of course. Where else would crayons have a race? This was the conversation me and my two year old had as I was leaning out of the shower recently. Looking at the tracks the racers left behind, it appears to have been a hard fought battle and thankfully it looked like they were doing laps on a track rather than a marathon, so that means less paint, although I'm in no hurry. These are the sort of markings that turn a house into a home.

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GTA IV Not Reviewed Here

April 30, 2008 2 comments

I can't believe this is now available, and I am without a system to play it. Yes, I could buy a new system, and this is the killer app (no pun intended) to drive new console sales. It was what I was waiting for.

But right now, I have a self-imposed boycott on excessive spending, and unless someone pays me real soon to write about video games, I can't justify the expenditure, when debt reduction is my current goal.

I feel the need to post, because GTA has been the source the majority of traffic to my blog. And most of those posts were written back when San Andreas was released, and they still bring in the most traffic here. The game has pull.

But right now, economics is getting the best of me.

I said right now…for now.

There is a PS3 beckoning me. I hear it. I feel it. It comes to me in dreams. It haunts me. It taunts me. I sense a disturbance in The Force each time a “10” is given in a review somewhere.

Like any addict, I can find a way to justify the purchase, but for now my line is drawn in the sand. I'm not exactly sure how that line in the sand thing works, whether it's me who crosses it, or if I wait for something to cross it, or if it has something to do with the tides, but right now it means I'm not buying Grand Theft Auto IV in the immediate future.

I am a freaking masochist. Reading Kotaku's not helping.

Categories: gta, Main Page Tags:

Kudlow Heading to Fox

April 8, 2008 No comments

Ok…that title was a tease, but it would be the sort of premature announcement that Fox would make before a deal was actually announced, if the 2000 presidential election is any indication.

I tire of Larry Kudlow on CNBC. So today I contacted CNBC through their web site to complain. Does this e-mail go beyond the webmaster? I don't know. I had difficulty using the “Fast Message” feature today when I tried to contact the Fast Money guys about erroneously referring to Ravi Shankar as being deceased. Maybe I should have included that in my e-mail about Kudlow. That way if my message was being sent to the wrong person in one respect, they may have at least been the right person to fix something else. And then the next time someone else living is referred to as dead, I can save their asses live in real-time.

I have a ridiculous amount of work right now, and this post does not deserve the attention is getting. But yelling at the television, clearly wonderful for multi-tasking, alas, is not offering me any satisfaction. Not the way a one-sided rant on the Internets will anyhow.

So what follows is my complaint to CNBC, which did not include my prior dissatisfaction with Kudlow for crediting the stock market growth from 1982-2000 to Ronald Reagan. Yet most of that growth looked to occur from 1994-2000. I think Bill Clinton was president during that time.

Alright…I know most of the people who read this blog, (yes, the five of you) probably could care less about this, but this blog is my blog as the name implies, so I write what I write. Hmmm…iwritewhatiwrite.com. Is that taken?

CNBC message begins

Please let Larry Kudlow go to Fox where he belongs. Enough of his protectionist rants against those who would like to keep jobs in this country. “Protecting” things is not such a bad idea when you are protecting working Americans who need jobs, as opposed to those like Kudlow who seek to protect the income of the folks who have enough riches that they don't need jobs. Those who live high on the hog off their dividends. I've heard him using the argument that more people own stock than ever before in this country, but that argument never includes what percentage of a typical working American's income is derived from their stock portfolio.

Perhaps Kudlow will be heading to Fox soon, where he will clearly be greeted with open arms. And for those Kudlow fans out there, I'm sure they have nothing to fear. Dennis Kneale would slide right into that role of supporting corporations and supply-side economics at all costs.

CNBC message ends

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Chase wouldn't lower my credit card interest rate today.

April 2, 2008 No comments

And when relating the story to a family member today, I couldn't help but be reminded of this scene from Fight Club.

And after seeing that again, I've found inner peace.

If you get Fight Club, then you'll get this post. If not, well then, just bask in the beauty of controlled implosions. No actual buildings were harmed in the making of the film.

Categories: disgust, Main Page, movies Tags:

Cusack.

March 27, 2008 No comments

I've been completely engulfed in work. The blog suffers. But I managed to read this entire piece by John Cusack over at The Huffington Post. Cusack is not thrilled about the State of the Union. He is not alone.

Did I mention that this post is 2 and a half years old. I didn't think I was busy for that long, but what's changed? Hunter S. Thompson is still dead. Iraq is still a mess. The wolves are still in the hen house.

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Staples has no Sense of Humor

March 13, 2008 No comments

And to all the grammar geeks out there, it's “has” not “have”, since I'm talking about the chain of office superstores, and not individual staples, and they're a helluva lot more fun than the superstores. They would've posted my review.

Staples (the office superstore) asked me in an e-mail to submit a review of a recent purchase. And what I purchased was a 10-pack of blue two-pocket portfolio folders. And I typically don't buy these without first consulting Consumer Reports, but this time it was all impulse. No wonder my credit card bills exceed the per capita income of some less favored nations. (You know I really wanted to put the extra “u” in both “favor” and “humor” tonight. Is that the Brit in me that I never knew was there? Is that even an English thing? Granted it does look better, and so does “colour”. Well, maybe.)

So today I noticed that my review was no longer on their website. In the context of this blog it certainly may seem more of a lame stab at humour (ha-ha!), but was downright hysterical over at Staples (the website of the office superstore, not at the website of a collective group self-realizing staples that wrestled the URL from the corporate monolith). Alright, so it wasn't that funny, but here it is. If you can't fill the Internet with crap that has nowhere else to go, what is it good for? Absolutely nothing, say it again. Or not.

Staples product review for blue 2 pocket portfolios

By larzini from NJ on 3/7/2008

Your rating: 5 stars

Headline: Holds Papers Exactly As Described!

Pros : Easy To Open/Close, Durable Construction, 2 pockets,

Potty-trained, It's Blue, Nicely textured, Fun for the whole family

Cons : Poor gas mileage, No puree setting, Don't feed after midnight,

Slight metallic taste

Best Uses : Organizing Documents, Conversation piece, Bud vase, Holding

papers, Fanning, Placemat

Describe Yourself : Value Oriented

Primary use of this product : Business

These folders are great. First of all, they are blue. A blue so blue.

And blue is a color. And it is a color I enjoy wholeheartedly. I have

used many of these folders, and each time they lived up to my

expectations of holding my papers. Except one time when I turned a paper-filled

folder upside-down. Guess what? Yep. The papers fell out. Not just one.

All of them. DO NOT TURN UPSIDE-DOWN WHEN PAPERS ARE INSIDE. THEY WILL

FALL OUT! Sorry about yelling, but I cannot emphazise that point enough.

And I can't spell emphazies either. Did I mention there is not

spell-check feature? Well, there's not. Perhaps in the next release.

Unfortunately, Staples have not opened up the next version to users for beta

testing. By the way, the folders are blue. I opened the folder and closed

it numerous times. And it performed every time without fail. Another

nice thing is that there are 10 in a package. I really didn't need that

many, but rather than waste them, I spread whatever documents I need to

transport evenly among the 10 folders. If I have less than 10 papers I

need to transport, I grab magazine blow-in cards or junk mail and put

those in the empty folders. It kills me to have 10 folders and even

leave one empty. If you really need a folder, I would consider this one,

maybe the red model as well, but your insurance rates will go up, so let

the buyer beware.

All proper spacing removed for your inconvenience.

Did that post make this read like a splog? (That's “spam blog” for you home-gamers.)

Categories: humor, Main Page, random Tags:

Christmas in August on Valentine's Day

February 15, 2008 2 comments

I should say St. Valentine's Day. Well, not anymore, it's now Friday, but this post somehow disappeared after writing it about 24 hours ago.

I never dreamt I'd someday look back fondly at the Crazy Eddie television commercials. Yet, here I find myself waxing nostalgically over some Northeastern pop culture detritus.

I never embed, I usually just link, but I've reconsidered my position on that. Why send the eyeballs elsewhere when they can stay right here.

I remember buying vinyl records and cassettes at Crazy Eddie, as well as a floppy disk drive for my Atari 800XL computer. These ads actually inspired the Seinfeld episode entitled, “The Junk Mail”. Elaine dates a guy who was once the fictional television pitchman known as “The Wiz”. Incidentally, The Wiz, later known as Nobody Beats The Wiz, was also an electronics retailer located predominantly in New York and New Jersey. But since their prices weren't completely insane they often used real-life characters in their ads, such as Joe Namath.

This was long before Namath went 0-for-2 in pass attempts on the sidelines, seeking out kisses from Suzy Kolber. (Yep, that link goes to the infamous video. I thought it would look kind of crappy to put two embedded videos in the same post. Especially when the point of this video was to highlight the Crazy Eddie ads, and not focus on the ancillary Joe Namath reference.)

Categories: humor, Main Page, random, television, video Tags: